I’ve been watching a lot of Maron, the Netflix show where Marc Maron does his podcast and intertwines it with his (fictional I hope) personal life. The sad thing is how much I identify with it.
He’s twice divorced, bitter and struggling to find himself even after establishing a successful career in comedy. But he’s unhappy and finds relationships difficult. I’ve never been married, haven’t established any kind of career but when it comes to people I find them as complicated and hard to figure out as the maths equations I got in high school.
My best friend recently moved two states away and even though we’re in constant contact I feel like the one connection to the outside world I had is gone. Sure I’ve got ‘friends’ here in this city, people I could grab a drink with or whatever but she was the only one who got me and called me out on my bullshit. She set me straight when I needed it.
I’ve had four significant romantic relationships in my adult life, three that I ended and the fourth that was ended for me but I knew it was coming. And it’s sad. Out of these four guys, I never had one who got me properly. Does that ever really happen in adult relationships, or is it all about compromise?
It comes down to age too. I’m 28, almost 29. Almost 29 is almost 30 and with that comes a whole different set of life instructions and behaviors we’re supposed to embody to fit in. Does it mean I have to give up my collection of well loved, ripped band shirts in lieu of form fitting age appropriate clothes? Do I have to trade my comic books for those self help pieces of shit that seem to endlessly fill the bookshelves of the chain bookstores? Why isn’t there some sort of manual out there to help clueless people like me?
What about marriage and kids? I can’t even think of where to begin when it comes to that. I find filling out my tax returns each year anxiety inducing.
I’ve got one year and three months until I’m 30. Let’s see if I can’t figure out some of this for the other misanthropic people my age scared to death of just what to do next.